5
Mar
2011
FRIDAY EVENING NFL OWNERS CONFERENCE CALL: ROGER GOODELL LABOR UPDATE
Goodell texts Ralph Wilson's typewriter from the Madden Cruiser (AP Photo/Rob Carr)
Roger Goodell: ….So essentially, that’s where it stands currently. Do any of you have any questions for me right now?
Ralph Wilson: I can’t see anyone?
Arthur Blank: It’s a phone call sir. So you shouldn’t see anyone.
Bob Kraft: What’s the hold up, Roger?
Goodell: They don’t want 18 games, they are worried about injury. I think if we can agree on the amount of games, the rest will fall into place.
Al Davis: Who’s worried?
Goodell: The players, sir. The people we are negotiating with.
Davis: Negotiate! I once rode the dragon with Howard Hughes, I only eat the beating hearts of unicorns, I sleep upside down in a belfry, I don’t negotiate with anyone!
Kraft: Al, good God, have you ever listened to yourself? You’re losing it.
Davis: Of course, I have only heard the sound of my voice since I had my face laminated in 1987.
Dan Snyder: Why don’t we just keep it at 16 and put this thing to bed.
Jerry Jones: Snyder, why don’t you shut up. You don’t know anything.
Snyder: Whatever, Jerry! Great job with the tickets!
Paul Allen: Hey, let’s work together, boys. I need more money for my mattress. I’m sleeping funny.
Randy Lerner: Have you tried putting some gold bars in there?
Zygi Wilf: Oh that works. Or sometimes I will have some of my servants get in there for the night. The odd shapes of their bodies provides a good night’s rest.
Blank: I find that if you shred the 100-dollar bills before you put them in the mattress, it’s more comfortable.
Goodell: Let’s keep on track. Do you all still want 18 games?
Wilson: Wait, this is a phone? Where is the dial? Is this magic!?
Blank: Sir, it isn’t magic, just a newer phone.
Wilson: Demons!
16
Oct
2009
Bills Fans expressing their displeasure via Billboards
(Photo: unathleticmag.com)
It seems that trashing your favorite team’s front office and coaching staff has become the “cool thing to do” among NFL supporters in 2009. And with their beloved Bills off to a 1-4 start, Buffalo-area fans have just about as much right as anyone to demand a mid-season overhaul of the franchise. I mean, those things usually work out pretty well for everyone, right?
So that’s what one industrious Bills fan is doing. He’s taking his message public via billboards, and has created a website to raise money from other Bills fans who share his frustration. From TheSportingNews:
In a little more than a week, Abshagen, an unemployed 18-year-old from New Freedom, Pa., raised enough money – $1,402 and counting as of Wednesday – through an Internet campaign to rent a billboard and advertise a message of discontent for everyone in Buffalo to see.
“I honestly never thought it would ever be this big,” Abshagen said. “Fans are disgruntled. It’s out there. It’s big. People are going to hear about it.”
Starting early Monday and running for a week, the message will be flashed up to 3,000 times a day on a digital billboard overlooking Interstate 190 on the south side of the city, said Abshagen after signing a contract with an advertising company.
The actual billboard will feature the following artwork, imploring Bills owner Ralph Wilson to make changes to his staff (the much better banner pic above is an awesome mock-up from UnathleticMag.com):
We all know about Dick Jauron. Things don’t look so hot for him right now. The other jobs these fans are calling for belong to the team’s vice president of pro personnel John Guy, and chief college scout Tom Modrak.
I like the enthusiasm. I really do. But like I said, I’m not so sure that dismantling the entire coaching staff and front office less than 1/3 of the way into the season is the best way to go. As bad as things might seem, you need to at least give a team some time to try and right the ship. It’s a long season, and we’ve seen many a club turn around their fortunes after a bad start. But it’s clear that these fans are charter members of the “I’m unemployed & know more about football than the highly paid professionals” camp, and have already given up on the season.
As such, there is now a part of me that is cheering to see the Bills turn it around, just to make these guys feel like jerks.
