They're implying that the NFL players are fatcats, you see (Image via NMA.tv)

If you, like most Americans, find in-depth investigative journalism to be “just too darn hard”, then this is for you. The folks over at Taiwan’s NMA.tv have been making a name for themselves of late with their series of US news and pop culture “reports”, which are delivered by stilted animation and, unfettered by the rules & confines of factual reporting, often include blatantly slanderous remarks and innuendo.

It was only a matter of time before these modern day Woodward & Bernsteins set their sights on the NFL Lockout, and they have just delivered this hard-hitting expose, which blows the lid off the labor dispute. In it, we learn that due to the lockout, Mark Sanchez is now running an SAT Tutoring business, and that Brett Fave has been forced to open a cell phone shop. And they’re not afraid to tackle the big issues, like how the lockout might affect the sales of chicken wings worldwide, or players (like Big Ben) running amok without the guidance of their clubs. Leave it to the Taiwanese …

You probably also noticed the “Dan Snyder: Asshole” link at the top of the video, which we certainly couldn’t resist. This clip actually does a brilliant job of summarizing the Redskins’ owner’s general incompetence and douchebaggery.

VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP

Al Davis projects lockout letter on the big screen from his underground lair (photo: AP)

OAKLAND RAIDERS
1220 Harbor Bay Parkway
Alameda, CA 94502

March 11, 2011

Dear [Player Name]:

This is to inform you that the Oakland Raiders (“Club”) will institute a lockout of its players (“Peasants”) as of 12:00 a.m. Eastern time on March 12, 2011.

During the lockout, the following will be in effect:

1. You will not be able to enter any Club facility or the stadium. Mr. Davis will be monitoring you via satellite from his secret underground lair. If you are even seen in the parking lot, you will be immediately incinerated with either a laser beam fired from space or a cannonball blast.

2. You will not receive any compensation from the Club. Contracts, however, will be honored for those bringing Mr. Davis the severed heads of either Lane Kiffin or Jon Gruden.

3. The Club will not pay for or provide health insurance. You will receive additional information about options to continue your current coverage through COBRA. Please note that COBRA is in a pitched battle with G.I. Joe and it might be some time before you hear from them. If you need assistance, please contact the plan administrators, Zartan or Serpentor, through the Hasbro Corp. via sealed diplomatic pouch.

4. You will not be able to perform any duties under your Player Contract or otherwise perform any duties for the Club. Those of you who made extra money digging up graves seeking fresh bodies for Mr. Davis’ cloning experiments may continue to do so, as that is considered an Outside Contract and essential for his plan of world domination.

5. Testing and treatment obligations under the Policy and Program for Substance of Abuse and Policy on Anabolic Steroids and Related Substances will cease. Gamma (Dr. Banner), Cosmic Ray (Dr. Richards) and Super Soldier (Dr. Erskine) treatments do not fall under this category, and will continue unabated.

6. The Club will not give you further instructions or guidance as to workout or trainings. This will not be any different from how we do things normally.

7. Club security and player development staff will not assist you with legal or any other problems. If such services are needed, Mr. Davis recommends any of the following: Matt Houston, Thomas Magnum, Simon and Simon, or the fictional comic book characters Luke Cage and Iron Fist.

8. During the lockout, the explosive tracking chips that Mr. Davis installed in your neck will be deactivated. Please be aware that extreme temperatures and moisture can result in chip malfunction and explosion. We apologize for any inconvenience or anxiety this may cause.

9. You are free to engage in any alternative employment during the lockout. Any services provided to Communist, Socialist, Mormon or Werewolf organizations, however, will not be tolerated and you will be hunted down and killed by Mr. Davis’ loyal band of ninja assassins (“The Autumn Wind”). Once a new labor agreement is reached between the NFL and the Union you may be expected to join the Club immediately. Therefore, you should structure any alternate employment so you can return to the Club promptly after a new labor agreement is reached.

If you have any questions, please contact the blood-sucking stooges that run the NFL Players Association.

Sincerely,

Al Davis
Owner/General Manager
Oakland Raiders
19^th-Level Warlock

P.S. Please remember that if an agreement is reached, the first Thursday of each month is Hawaiian shirt day, and I expect 100 percent participation this year. Davis out!

But at least the players’ union webmaster seems to have a sense of humor about everything … this is what the NFLPA home page looks like today:

Not really amusing (Source: NFLPlayers.com)

You’ll have to forgive us if we’re not really in the mood to pore over the particulars of our favorite sport’s demise. You can read about all the nauseating details here, here or here … and this piece by Michael McCann at SI.com does an excellent job of breaking down what you can expect to happen next, from a legal perspective.

Ughh. This is all just depressing.

Keep smiling: Mike Tomlin and the Steelers are built to last through good and bad -- including a potential work stoppage. (Source: 141characters.com)

The NFL and the NFL Players Association have agreed to a seven-day extension to the current collective bargaining agreement, giving both sides another week to hammer out a deal and prevent the league’s first work stoppage since 1987.

The fact that both sides are communicating is hopeful, but the reality is that a tremendous amount of work must be done by March 11 to prevent a hammer dropping on football as we know it.

At the NFL Scouting Combine, coaches and general managers indicated to a man that it was “work as usual” until told otherwise.

Teams claim to be fully prepared for whatever lies ahead. That’s easy to trumpet, but in a normal offseason, we see winning clubs run an organized ship, while other clubs appear lost. How much more so if we move into rocky, uncharted waters?

The future is bright in San Francisco with Jim Harbaugh at the helm, but his first season comes with extra challenges. (Source: Sportifi.com)

Rich get richer

Following last week’s final flurry of movement, NFL news has now slowed to a crawl.

The CBA has been extended to March 11, but as of this past Friday, no team can sign or cut players — or do much of anything.

If a work stoppage ensues and lingers into late summer, or September, there’s little hope for clubs desperately in need of a talent influx. If teams are prevented from making roster moves for months on end, how do losing teams close the gap?

It’s not just that. Teams and players will be forbidden from communicating. Drug testing is out. Coaches cannot share playbooks. Players can’t rehab at team facilities.

Beyond the playing field, there will be no counseling for players dealing with off-field issues, something that keeps a lot of potential problem children out of the news to begin with.

The NFL’s regimented schedule will be replaced by a free-for-all. This is a hands-on business. If nobody is held accountable on a daily basis, and there are no consequences, you’re going to see problems. NFL teams do more than coach players — they provide life services and help young men adjust to money and fame and pressure in a profession strewn with temptations. Block players from positive influences — and franchises will suffer.

If you’re Green Bay’s Mike McCarthy, your players know you, know what you expect, and know the system. There’s a roadmap for remaining on the same page.

Jim Harbaugh will presumably select at least one quarterback in April’s draft, but might have no chance to share the Niners’ new playbook with a rookie passer until a new CBA is reached. What happens if that’s in late August? With no opportunity to gather your team this spring — and blocked from sharing your philosophy — how does a struggling club catch up with the league’s better teams?

Pat Shurmur's Browns will attempt to change both offensive and defensive schemes this offseason, while the rest of the division builds on last year. (Source: lehighvalleylive.com)

Rag-tag clubs will suffer

Hard to pinpoint a team with a taller task this offseason than the Cleveland Browns. To start, Pat Shurmur — an inexperienced new coach — must oversee two challenging transitions: a move to the West Coast Offense and a shift from the 3-4 to 4-3 on defense.

The Browns’ roster lacks pieces to do either with any punch. Colt McCoy is a good fit for the WCO, but who will he throw to? On defense, it’s hard to identify a linemen or linebacker with 4-3 experience in the pros.

So far this offseason, Browns management cut Shaun Rogers (one of the few defenders with any 4-3 experience) and four others — and signed nobody.

Realistically, in an offseason where the Browns would need extra time to work with players in the weight room (perhaps shifting some OLBs to DEs and vice versa) and in the classroom, Shurmur could be forbidden from working with anyone.

If a labor dispute cut into the regular season  — still a distinct possibility — the results could be absolutely brutal for this new regime.

How about Ron Rivera in Carolina? How does he assess whether Jimmy Clausen is the guy? These teams need to be working extra hours — not barred from communicating.

Naturally, the league is so unpredictable, some of these seemingly downtrodden clubs could benefit from an offseason when better teams are also thrown off their axis, but the wise man’s money is on a team like the consistent Steelers holding ground.

Not to mention the Super Bowl champion Packers. People have talked about the immense challenges facing Green Bay as they attempt to repeat, yet they might be one team that benefits most from the labor strife — a talented, intact roster (with a flood of players returning from injury) that only gets better while teams like the Lions and Vikings have no real opportunity to build and catch up.

If you follow a team that needed to be aggressive in free agency while making the most of every meeting, practice and opportunity to grow together this offseason — you’ll need to be patient, because next season could be a circus for less-prepared clubs.

Just one angle to consider as the clock ticks toward March 11.

(Image: NFLLockout.com)

UPDATE: CBS has refused to air the NFLPA’s ad, obviously taking sides with their television partner (the NFL) in the labor dispute. Can anyone say conflict of interest?

________________________________

What can I say, it’s a video kind of Friday.

This is the commercial that the NFL Players Association produced for the Super Bowl, in an effort to win public sentiment in the current labor negotiations between players and NFL owners. With a potential lockout looming, the players’ union is taking to social media to spread their message, and encouraging fans to sign a petition showing their support. From NFLLockout.com:

Players: “Let Us Play” Fans: “Let Them Play” Here we are, Super Bowl, the biggest event in sports, and an NFL Lockout looms very large. As the NFL celebrates its most successful season ever, NFL owners are preparing to lock out players and fans from their game starting in March. Owners have not opened their books or offered justification for this threat. The players want to play and the fans want to see them play. So, why won’t the Owners take a Lockout off the table? Do your part as a fan and help Block the Lockout.

I’m not sure who they think they’re kidding with the petition, but garnering public support and painting the owners as the big bad meanies in this whole debacle can certainly go a long way toward getting the owners to cave in negotiations down the stretch. Watch for yourself and decide if this commercial does enough to tug at your football heartstrings:

VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP

What a completely random collection of players?!? None of the big names were available for the union gig, huh?

As it turns out, the ad will actually appear on television only once: during next Saturday’s NFLPA All-Star game, the day before the Super Bowl and it’s advertising bonanza.

Are we headed for a repeat of the 1987 season?

It’s time for football fans to wake up to harsh reality: there may very well be no NFL for us to watch next year. At least, so says NFL Players Association director DeMaurice Smith, who sent out a letter earlier this week warning its members to be prepared for a lockout in 2011.

According to the letter, the union’s internal deadline for negotiating a new collective bargaining agreement has passed. As such, Smith advised players to stash away their final three game checks in case there is no season next year. The letter also indicated that the league had threatened to cancel players’ health insurance when the lockout begins on March 4th of next year.

“It is important that you protect yourself and your family,” he wrote in the letter, which was dated Wednesday.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said the news came as a surprise to the league. He called the deadline, “disappointing and inexplicable, especially for fans”, and indicated that the league was still willing to negotiate with the players’ union. Aiello denied that there would be any interruption of health care.

Is DeMaurice Smith just posturing? (Photo: Getty Images)

While it can be frustrating to watch millionaires argue over who gets to sleep in the biggest pile of money, it’s important to remember that the owners created this situation by opting out of the current collective bargaining agreement early. The owners (shockingly) want players to take a smaller percentage of revenues … even though the NFL is by far the most popular sport in the nation, and it would seem there’s no shortage of money to go around.

The current CBA expires on March 3rd, and at that point the owners could choose to enforce a lockout. In return, the NFLPA is prepared to decertify the union and go to court. We can only hope that the majority of this back and forth is just posturing at the bargaining table, and the two sides will find a way to resolve this before next season.

At that point, if there is no agreement, we may be facing the league’s first work stoppage since 1987. And I hate to even think back on those replacement games …. SHUDDER.

If you disagree as to the awesomeness of this piece, I don’t think things are going to work out between us … sorry.

(Via WithLeather)

The Browns were a soft team under Romeo Crennel, who would move practices indoors at the first sighting of a soft, singular, light-grey cloud overhead. This skittishness revealed itself during the regular season, in continuous, late-season beatings by the division foes and tougher teams.

Mangini is catching heat from various writers (and, according to some, the NFLPA) for drastically changing the culture in Cleveland. If anything, he sees what the old guard saw. Dispatched GM Phil Savage, years ago, was vocal about the fact that the Browns needed a culture shift. Savage’s thorn in the side was being stuck with Crennel–with no power to hire his own coach–and we all know that Crennel (while a wonderful person, beloved by players) was not the right coach for a young team that needed discipline to grow.

Anybody who adores football–and knows that it’s a game to be played with passion in the sun, rain, snow, and cold–must smile on Mangini practicing these men in a downpour.

Playing in Cleveland, in the rain, shouldn't be such a breeze--but it has been.

Why is it unusual? Why have we fallen for the idea that young athletes must be pampered–and that pampering them will translate into toughness? We overreact because the rookies had to RIDE A BUS to a volunteer youth camp (the NFLPA is looking into it… snooze) and we are “concerned” because Mangini held a practice in rain showers.

I played Pop Warner for years. In the sixth grade, we were practicing in the rain. Granted, we weren’t deemed as multimillion-dollar investments, but we were children, reported to be highly valued by our parents, and most of the fathers present agreed that a little football in the rain would do their sons good. And… it did. Why are we shielding these “warriors” from inclement weather?

Don’t tell me it’s about injuries. The Browns were in the top five in NFL injuries in 2008, and that followed an offseason where the team was coddled like a lineup of Cabbage Patch Dolls in a third-grade girl’s bedroom. The Browns ended 2008 playing their third- and fourth-string quarterbacks and didn’t score a touchdown in the final six games.

Yes, it’s time for a culture shift in Cleveland, and if they ever plan to look more like a professional football team, and less like the Stuyvesant High Math Team (below), a little rainfall can’t stop them.

Cleveland Browns 2008 Team Photo