29
Nov
2011
Fake Kyle Orton Says Goodbye to Denver (VIDEO)
After being released by the Broncos and picked up by the Kansas City Chiefs last week, Kyle Orton likely has some mixed feelings about his tenure in Denver. After all, Orton has been on a bit of a roller-coaster ride since joining the team, with Josh McDaniels, John Elway and (most of all) Tim Tebow making his football life anything but simple. So he’s probably looking forward to starting over in KC, and putting this chapter of his career behind him.
Fortunately for us, the guys over at comedy troupe Landlocked Pioneers put together this spoof video of Orton bidding a fond farewell to Denver, with a dead ringer playing the role of a surly, beer-swilling Kyle … who is also clearly hurting inside:
“My rockin Neckbeard!!!
And living in Colorado, I can tell you that they nailed the local references to IKEA and the DIA “demon horse”. Awesome.
27
Oct
2011
Taiwanese Animators hop aboard the Tebow Train (VIDEO)
(Image via NMA.tv)
With the unsettling news that something called “Tebowing” has become the new “planking”, it’s clear that not only are our nation’s youth woefully intellectually under-stimulated, but that the Tim Tebow phenomenon has reached brand new heights worldwide.
So it should come as no surprise that our friends at Taiwan’s NMA.tv have also jumped on the Tebow bandwagon with their latest animated “news” report. In it, they give their usually simplitic overview of Denver’s QB controversy, wondering whether a haloed Tebow is the messiah for the Broncos program or “just another false football prophet”.
Among other fascinating tidbits, we learn that Tebow was actually electrocuted by the Chargers in his Week 5 comeback attempt, but was able to utilize a trident to spear the Dolphins and lead Denver to a win last week. It’s truly amazing that this stuff gets past the American sports media, isn’t it?:
VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP
9
Oct
2011
Tebow Rallies Broncos, But Falls Short Against Chargers (VIDEO)
(Photo: John Leyba, The Denver Post)
It’s finally Tim Tebow time in Denver.
The lightning rod quarterback started the 2nd half of today’s contest against the Chargers, leading the Broncos on a furious comeback attempt that only fell short when Tebow ran out of time on a last-second hail mary attempt.
Trailing by 13 points at the half, John Fox had seen enough of Kyle Orton (6/13, 34 yards, 1 INT) and decided to turn to Tebow to see if he could provide a much-needed spark for the Broncos. And the former Heisman Trophy winner was as advertised, running for one score and throwing for another as he rallied his team to within two points before missing on a wild 29-yard heave at the buzzer (VIDEO BELOW).
San Diego held on to win the game 29-24, but the Broncos may have finally turned the page on their quarterback controversy, and Tebow should be handed the reigns for the rest of the season. Tebow finished 4/10 for 79 yards and 1 TD passing, so he didn’t change anyone’s mind about his mediocre arm, but the guy is clearly a natural-born leader, gifted runner, and he has an innate ability to make things happen when the play breaks down around him. He added 38 yards and 1 rushing score on six attempts, many coming on designed QB draws.
And at 1-4 and heading into their bye week, Denver really doesn’t have anything to lose by going with and finding out whether Tebow can win in the NFL. And if not, they’ve got the pole position for the Andrew Luck sweepstakes, so it’s really a win-win here for Denver.
WATCH TEBOW’S HAIL MARY ATTEMPT AFTER THE JUMP
16
Sep
2011
Broncos Fans Planning Pro-Tebow Billboards = Foolishness
Yeah, this is really going to work (ESPN rendering via Patheos.com)
This story has been making the rounds for a couple of days now, and we’ve mainly ignored it because we don’t want to encourage these clowns. But it’s become painfully clear that the whole pro-Tebow quarterback controversy in Denver isn’t going away any time soon, so we might as well adress it now.
As you may have heard, a group of Broncos fans are planning to buy two billboards in downtown Denver, calling for the team to bench QB Kyle Orton and start Tim Tebow instead. The campaign is being spearheaded by Jesse Oaks, a Broncos fan from Independence, Kentucky of all places, who says that he and his friends devised the plan after watching Denver lose their season opener 23-20 to the Oakland Raiders on Monday night. During the 4th quarter of the loss, it became clear that at least some of the Broncos faithful had seen enough of Orton, and even as the QB was trying to rally his team to victory in a winnable game, a handful of liquored up fans started the chants for Tebow, which seemed to gain momentum as the game wound down.
Oaks and his friends had been saving up for a trip to Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis, but after watching Orton go a middling 24-of-46 for 305 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 1 fumble and 5 sacks, determined that their money would be better spent on a message to the Broncos and Head Coach John Fox:
“We believe in Coach Fox. We’re just tired of Kyle Orton,” Oaks said. “We were sitting around after Fox said he didn’t hear the chants for (Tim) Tebow and we figured if he’s deaf, we hope he’s not blind.”
“It just feels like we’re a team that’s settling for mediocrity,” Oaks said. “We’re not blind. We know when we see good football … We see other teams making good plays and we don’t see that from our team. We can sink or swim with Tim Tebow. Why wait a few more years?”
3
Jan
2010
VIDEO: Charles runs wild in Denver; Broncos miss playoffs
The Denver Broncos completed one of the worst collapses in NFL history on Sunday, getting routed 44-24 by the Kansas City Chiefs, and becoming the third team ever to start 6-0 and miss the post-season.
Jamaal Charles ran for a Chiefs franchise record 259 yards and 2 TDs, while LB Derrick Johnson returned two 2nd half Kyle Orton passes for touchdowns. It was the fourth consecutive loss for the Broncos, who started the season as the NFL’s darlings, but fell apart down the stretch. Orton came crashing back down to earth as the season wore on, and finished with 3 INTs on the day, while Charles drove the final nail in the coffin with the 56-yd TD above.
Continue reading after the jump for video of the Broncos getting Orton’d with Derrick Johnson’s 60-YD INT return.
28
Nov
2009
Broncos vs Giants Thanksgiving Game – Photo Essay
When the 2009 NFL schedule was announced, I was thrilled to see that my favorite team, the New York Football Giants, were coming to my adopted home state of Colorado to play the Denver Broncos this season. Not only would it be the first time I would get to watch my Giants play at Mile High – the site of some classic match-ups from the ’80s-’90s (remember the Gary Reasons goal line hit on Bobby Humphrey in the snow?) – but it would be on Thanksgiving Night!
I immediately put out feelers for game tickets, and invited my parents to spend Thanksgiving at my new home in Colorado. It seemed like a perfect holiday plan. And up until Thursday night at about 6:20pm MT, it was. It was at that point that my beloved Giants decided to crap all over our Thanksgiving celebration, by not even showing up for the game and putting on one of the more miserable displays I’ve ever had the misfortune of seeing in person. If you watched the game, you already know, and I’m not going to get into a breakdown of what went wrong (hint: everything. lowlights here). For me, it was just brutal, while for the Broncos fans in the house, it was a full-on party.
But the holiday wasn’t a total loss, and I still have much to be thankful for. We were blessed with box seats and pre-game field passes by the Denver Post – clearly a signal of our growing influence in the sports blogosphere. Or maybe my girlfriend got them for us. Whatever. In addition to free food and booze throughout the game, we were able to snap some decent photos from field level during warm-ups. Here are the best of those shots, with some commentary as to what you’re seeing. I hope you enjoy it more than I enjoyed the game.
All photos by ArtieFufkin.
Pre-game field passes = extra special surprise. Much thanks to the Denver Post team for taking such good care of us!
Aaron Ross fielding punts. Moments after this pic was taken, an errant punt bounced out of bounds and into my hands. As I handed it back to Aaron, I looked him square in the eye and said "Go get 'em Aaron!" He said nothing ... there was a general sense of lethargy from the Giants the entire night
Plenty of Giants fans in attendance for this game ... a short time later, they would all be miserable
And the Broncos take the field ... for warm-ups
CONTINUE AFTER THE JUMP FOR MORE PHOTOS FROM THE BRONCOS/GIANTS
13
Nov
2009
Jay Cutler makes Josh McDaniels look like a genius
(AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez)
When the Chicago Bears made the trade for Pro Bowl QB Jay Culter, everyone – and I mean everyone – said that they got the best of the Denver Broncos in the deal. I mean, Cutler for Kyle Orton and a few draft picks?!? Experts across the land destroyed Josh McDaniels for making such a foolish, rookie move, and most felt that Cutler would flourish in Chicago, while the Broncos would flounder under questionable leadership. Fast forward to 7 months later, and all of the sudden, Josh McDaniels looks like the smartest man ever to walk the face of the earth.
Cutler threw 5 interceptions in last night’s 10-6 loss to the 49ers, including one on the final play that ended a potential game-winning drive by the Bears. And there could have been more. The loss takes the Bears to 4-5 on the season, and brings Cutler’s season total to a league-leading 17 interceptions, on pace to break Peyton Manning’s record of 28 in one year. Meanwhile, Orton has thrown just 4 INTs so far this year, and the Broncos are leading the AFC East at 6-2.
But the numbers don’t tell the whole story. Sure, Cutler said all the right things after the game, but you can just tell that he’s breaking down mentally on the field. He looks uncomfortable out there, and his decision making process has been atrocious. Plus, the Bears offense seems intent on having Cutler throw to his check-down receiver on almost every play, instead of utilizing the big arm he’s famous for to try and stretch the field a bit. It seems like a bad fit all-around, and it’s only a matter of time before the team starts cracking under the weight of Cutler’s performance.
So, at least at the mid-season point, it sure looks like the Broncos got the better of this deal. And this just in: Cutler got picked off yet again at breakfast this morning.
28
Oct
2009
Kyle Orton vs. Skeletor vs. Orson Welles
Our favorite quarterback this season–without match–is madman Kyle Orton.
Can you endure this entire video tribute?
Is it even remotely as annoying as this Skeletor tribute?
And does Orton have even half the devil-may-care swagger of his soulmate… Orson Welles?
22
Oct
2009
OVERHEARD: Steve Rodgers and DarkHorse discuss Tom, Gisele, AD&D—and Zombies!
Thank you to ReadAndReact Administrative Assistant Isabella Zapp for transcribing and posting this conversation.
Steve Rodgers: DarkHorse, as a long-suffering Browns fan, do you see anything that gives you hope? I think if I were a Browns fan, I might start looking for another team?
DarkHorse: There is a plague on the Browns. At this hour, twelve Browns players are out with the flu–and we just lost D’Qwell Jackson for the season. Team secretaries and accountants will lineup vs. the Packers this Sunday–which may be a potential improvement. The season feels out of control and dangerous from a PR angle–will any free agent sign with the Browns again? I like Mangini, in theory, but Sundays feel like this to me.
So, what will Trent Edwards do with his newly discovered free time?
Steve Rodgers: I kind of like Mangenius, as well. The Browns feel like a Biblical curse that you would send on the enemies of God or something. If the secretaries line up, I hope Janice from HR is on the field. She fills out a pantsuit. Trent Edwards is spending his free time making highlight tapes for his accountant and taking a real estate correspondence course. He is also happily eating huge meals prepared by his wonderful and beautiful girlfriend. He feels lost without football but is looking forward to a brighter future.
What are some of the things in the LEAGUE right now that have you feeling the power?
DarkHorse: Well, I have a comfortable seat on the McDaniels/Orton Open-Bar Bandwagon Express–we love when a hot mess becomes a lovable team. I was digging the New York Giants until they were “pantsed” by the Saints. They’re dead to me this week. ITEM: I found this want-ad in a Nashville paper: “NEEDED: Large, burly men to play Advanced Dungeons & Dragons with other husky men from Mon-Sat (NOTE: also have to play a football game on Sunday—must LOOK the part, but playing experience not required). Extensive D&D campaign experience IS required–Level 22 and above ONLY. Please send your D&D resume to: J. Fisher / One Titans Way / Nashville, TN 37213. PS – Special consideration given to those with large figurine collections.”
The Tennessee Titans have moved past the gridiron -- to the Borderlands.
Steve Rodgers: I think the emphasis on figurines was very smart on Fisher’s part. It shows that those who apply will have attention to detail but, also, as the ad states, must be “burly.” I saw an ad like that in The Advocate in San Francisco, but it might have been for something completely different. Burly. The NFL: Where burly men run about in tight pants. Feel the Power!
DarkHorse: Three predictions you can TAKE TO THE BANK: (1) Drew Brees goes down for the season in Week 15 and the Saints lose in the first round of the playoffs. (2) Kyle Orton leads Denver to the AFC Championship, where they lose to… (2) Pittsburgh, and (the incredibly annoying) Big Ben, who will win another Super Bowl. Give me three LOCKS, Steve Rodgers.
Is there more to life than Gisele? (Source: WeeklyDrop.com)
Steve Rodgers: Three locks: (1) The Browns dig up the remains of Otto Graham, then preform devil voodoo on him, and he becomes the starting QB–he is a zombie. They slowly feed him Eric Rhett, who is kept in a meat locker under the Berea compound. (2) Tom Brady wakes up one morning, looks at Gisele, looks at his Super Bowl rings and his paycheck, and says, “Is this all there is?” (3) Jeff Fisher watches his team get pounded 32-0. After the game, he shaves his mustache, and hooks up with the CIA to become a handler of foreign agents in the field for a black ops division outside the goverment budget line. He never watches the NFL again.
DarkHorse: Does Zombie Otto Graham complete more than two passes a game vs. Buffalo? If so, I’m in.
18
Sep
2009
Friday Phone Call Between Tom Brady and Kyle Orton
Kyle Orton: Hey Tom, it’s me, Kyle. You mind if I ask a few questions?
Tom Brady: No problem, but I don’t have much time. Me and Gisele are headed out to Lake Como to hang out with Matt, Brad and George.
KO: You’re going to Lake Como? You have a game on Sunday!
TB: I’m Tom Brady, I can do anything.
KO: Um, well, I was wondering… Josh McDaniels, he keeps wanting me to hit the open man?
TB: Well…
KO: I mean what the hell, right?
TB: I, uh… that seems reasonable.
KO: You know how difficult that is?
TB: Well…
KO: That’s just crazy!
TB: I think maybe I have to go; the butler has informed me the limo is here.
Gisele [in the background]: Tommy, should I even bring underwear?
KO: Okay, but seriously, he also wants me to watch video! Of the other team! Can you imagine? What is that? I would understand if he wanted me to watch like “Replacements” or something, but game film? What? That’s crazy!
TB: Well… I really have to go.
KO: Okay, I am gonna go drink a TON of beer! You know what I mean? Get NFD, National Football Drunk. You know what I’m saying?
TB: I actually don’t.
KO: I got a 30-pack of Coors, my man. I mean screw McDaniels! I’m going to get HAMMERED!!!!
TB: Bye now.
KO: X-Box, chips and beer! Gonna get lit!! Let’s go Broncos!!!
