The five deadly sins of Mike Holmgren and the Cleveland Browns
On Monday, Cleveland Browns president Mike Holmgren went from wise father figure atop a rebuilding Browns organization, to a man under significant pressure to deliver.
It’s one thing to tell a fanbase that Eric Mangini hasn’t met expectations — it’s another to meet them yourself. While Holmgren excels at win-you-over press conferences, it’s his football decisions this offseason that will define his tenure with this star-crossed franchise.
The Browns are about to hire their sixth head coach since their return in 1999. Whoever finally turns the ship around will never buy a drink in Ohio again — but it’s no small task, and one that’s left wheelbarrows of dead along the road out of town.
Here are five mistakes Holmgren must avoid, if he wants to turn this ship around:
MISTAKE #1: Miss on the coach
While some were thrilled to see Mangini swept aside, they might look back and wonder why the move was made if Cleveland goes in the direction some predict.
Holmgren talked about spreading a wide net, but lead candidates for the coaching vacancy appear to be limited to those also represented by Holmgren’s agent, Bob LaMonte. He fronts John Fox, Jon Gruden, Jim Mora, Brad Childress, Pat Shurmur and — ugh — Marty Mornhinweg.
“I don’t want to have to do this again, so I have to get it right,” said Holmgren.
It’s hard to get excited about that “right” choice being Mornhinweg, who went 5-27 as coach of the Detroit Lions.
NFL Coaches get the Auto-Tune Treatment
Auto-Tune, in general, might be the worst thing to happen to music in the last 50 years. Thank you Kanye and T-Pain.
But the one good thing to come from this technology has been it’s usage to turn news and other press conferences into somewhat-funny hip-hop parodies (see Auto-Tune The News). DJ Steve Porter, who created the best of the bunch in Press Hop and the Slap Chop Rap, has now set his sights on NFL coaches, resulting in the “You Play To Win The Game” remix video above. Well played, sir.
Happy Friday: Press conference meltdown sing-a-long!
We all love meltdown press conferences. Below is a classic piece of editing work featuring Allen Iverson, Dennis Green, Jim Mora, Terrell Owens, and more:






