15
Sep
2011
Really really excitable fan calls out Jerry Jones and Cowboys (VIDEO)
RIP Chris Farley
Since our resident Cowboys fan, C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y, has remained silent about the outlook for his favorite team, this guy will have to suffice as our “expert” opinion on the subject for now.
In response to the Cowboys meltdown at the Jets in Week 1, YouTube user divalover159 delivers a tirade for the ages on his favorite franchise, owner Jerry Jones, and QB/whipping boy Tony Romo. It’s nearly ten minutes of pure, unadulterated passion, bouncing bellies and questionable grammar, the likes of which we haven’t seen since Matt Foley, motivational speaker.
Sure, it goes on a bit long, but something about this video is truly captivating …
VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP
2
Jan
2011
Why Jason Garrett Will Coach the Cowboys Next Season
(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images North America)
Every generation has a team that seems to have the talent to be elite but, when it comes getting time, time to deliver, for whatever reason, that team isn’t what anyone thought it was. Warren Moon’s Houston Oilers. Randall Cunningham’s Minnesota Vikings. Joe Montana’s Kansas City Chiefs. Donovan McNabb’s Philadelphia Eagles. For these teams (and others I am forgetting), it seems that every year great expectations gave way to epic disappointments. For Warren Moon it was the Comeback, in which his Oilers surrendered 35 unanswered points in the second half to the Buffalo Bills (playing with their back-up QB, Frank Reich) to lose 38-35 in the playoffs. For the Vikings it was going 15-1 in 1998 only to lose to a not-very-good Atlanta Falcons team, and then to spend years pissing away wads of talent. At least the Eagles made the Super Bowl. But, the only thing I remember about that game is hearing after that McNabb was out of shape, dry heaving on the field.
Tony Romo’s Dallas Cowboys are undeniably that team for this generation. Every year, it seems, this team finds new ways to embarrass itself. Hype, with these guys, has been badly out-paced by reality as this team has repeatedly dry heaved on the field when it mattered. And, at this point, no one can know for sure if its that they lack heart (see December collapses, culminating with 2008 last game of regular season in Philadelphia with a playoff spot on the line), discipline (see penalties), talent (see terrible defense all season long and poor offensive line play), or any combination of the three.
Earlier today, ESPN reported that the Cowboys were ready to name Jason Garrett the team’s permanent head coach. This evening, however, Jones denied those reports, claiming that he had not yet made up his mind. While it is possible that Jones is being sincere, with Jones “sincerity” is more art than science. He often speaks in hyperbole and has a love-affair with making a “splash” in the off-season. What better way to keep the 6-10 Cowboys in the headlines for a few days than to kick around some marquee coaching names while Garrett hangs in limbo?
Mixed reports aside, though, Jones ultimately will make Garrett the next head coach. Why? Four reasons:
- Because Jones– who “buys the groceries” for this team– doesn’t think that the problem is talent. Simply put, Jones thinks this team has the talent to contend. He likely understands that he needs to fiddle (good-bye Marc Colombo, Roy Williams, and Marion Barber) but wholesale changes are not in the cards. Jones has to think this team has the talent: he has dumped long-term megabucks into a laundry list of players on this roster. Romo. Ware. Austin. Witten. Newman. Fat contracts all along the offensive line. He also is positively giddy over some of the young players on this team. Dez Bryant. Felix Jones. Sean Lee. There is no way that Jones brings in someone with the balls to say: “Jerry, I know you paid these guys a ton of money, and I know you love so-and-so, but these guys just aren’t that good.” Holmgren might do that. Gruden might do that. Jason Garrett won’t. He just won’t– too inexperienced, and too much involvement with picking these guys to disown them. Jones knows that Garrett will be all in with the core they already have on the roster.
- Because Jones Doesn’t Want Garrett to be His Next Sean Payton. Sean Payton was the heir apparent who got away when Bill Parcells overstayed his welcome. Jones liked everything about Payton- who is Jason Garrett (bright offensive mind) with some Parcellsian moxie (balls) built in. Payton is undeniably a great head coach . . . and he was right under Jones’ nose. Nothing would embarrass Jones more than having Garrett come in, earn monster paychecks as an assistant, get some experience in a lost season as the interim coach of the Cowboys, and then coach the Raiders (or some other team) to the Super Bowl. Call it the: how could Jones let Payton and Garrett get away factor. (This is not to say that Garrett is the next Payton. It is to say that Jones doesn’t want to find that out watching him coach someone else to the promise land.)
- Because Jones Has Already Told Us Garrett Will Be the Next Coach. If you listen carefully to what Jones has said about Garrett, he has told us that he thinks Garrett is the right man for the job. Jones has said that what he likes about Garrett is that he is organized and a good motivator. For a long time, Jones didn’t believe in “rah-rah” coaches. For a long time, Jones didn’t believe in changing coaches mid-season, either. In the wake of Wade Phillips’ 1-7 start this season, Jones has been forced to reconsider a lot of things and has finally realized what all of us already knew: Dallas isn’t disciplined and needs to be motivated. Enter Garrett. The antidote for what ails what Jones still believes is a talent-laden roster.
- Because the Reasons Not to Hire Garrett Don’t Matter in Jerry’s View of the World. One concern Jones has expressed is that Garrett is inexperienced as a head coach. That would matter more if Jones thought there was a talent problem. In Jones’ world, he doesn’t really care if Garrett can put a roster together– that just makes GM Jerry all the more indispensable. Through half a season, Garrett’s game calling has been solid, and Garrett proved he could what Phillips could not– get this team’s attention. Garrett got this team to play with passion when it had nothing on the line– something Phillips could not do even with plenty on the line.
Ultimately, Garrett remains attractive to Jones for the very same reasons he made him the highest paid assistant in the NFL. Here is a former player– a former Cowboy– who has learned under Jimmy Johnson (how to motivate), Norv Turner and Ernie Zampese (how to scheme), and Nick Saban (how to lead). He is friends with Aikman (a link to the glorious past!). He is Ivy league, seemingly no nonsense, but not yet big enough to challenge Jones’ way of doing things (like splitting up training camp into two locations to make more money, but arguably to the disadvantage of the team). Facts, though, are facts: the Jones’ formula for winning has yielded one playoff win in 15 years. Whether Cowboys’ fans like or not, whether that trajectory changes is tied to Tony Romo and the cast that Jones has assembled around him. By giving Garrett the gig, which will happen, Jones is making the safest of choices, a choice that effectively allows him to keep the gang (sans Wade) together in the hopes of better days to come.
15
Nov
2010
The New Meadowlands Smells Like Poop
Slightly concerned about the state of the Cowboys, I decided to attend this week’s Giants-Cowboys game live, in the belly of the beast: the new Meadowlands. I figured, if Dallas was going to make a move this season, at 1-7, it was getting kind of late in the year and I wanted to be there to see Ol’ Red (Jason Garrett) flip the switch.
The Giants came into the game with momentum. Manning has been very good and the Giants’ defense has looked as though, at long last, Tom Coughlin’s testicles have once again descended from his body cavity. That vaunted pressure defense had returned. The buddy I went with to the game, a long time Giants season ticket holder, matter-of-factly told me on Saturday night: “Giants 35, Dallas 10″.
Gameday began oddly. On my way to the sports bar where I was going to meet my friend, I stopped in Times Square at a red light. Standing next to me: Montel Williams. Freaking Montel. (Swear to God: Montel!). He was wearing a black leather shirt. Not a black leather jacket: a black leather shirt. And, of course, he was sporting his trademark Montel ‘stache. You know the one: the highly manicured, jet-black ‘stache. Vintage Montel.
I considered saying “Hi, Montel, huge fan of your show” but I didn’t quite have my bearings and the moment passed. I regret it. Could be a Sliding Doors moment for me.
Giants fans use inflatable dolls to find one another in the city on gamedays.
My friend and I watched the first half of the one o’clock games at a bar on 44th street between 8th and 9th avenues, mostly watching the Browns go toe-to-toe with the Jets with other Giants fans. Notwithstanding all of the nice things I say about him, TheDarkHorse used the texts I sent him (“Hillis is the Man!”) to say not-very-nice things about Jerry Jones. For my part, I took the high road. (I always do.) At half-time, my buddy and I settled up and made our way to the new Meadowlands.
At first blush, the new Meadowlands is impressive. We hit no traffic on the way over and, as we drove through the badlands of New Jersey, the new Meadowlands made for an imposing sight– a silver, edgier, more foreboding version of its predecessor.
As we got closer, though, certain things began to bother me. First, they built the stadium next to the fugliest shopping mall in the world. As best I can tell, the mall has no windows and appears to be made from plastic color panels ripped right from the pages of the Ikea catalog. I don’t care if your taste is modern, contemporary, traditional, or old fashioned: nothing about that mall looks right.
The stadium is also next to what used to be the Brendan Byrne arena. If you have ever been inside Brendan Byrne arena, then you know that it just isn’t very nice, either. Worse still, it is no longer called the Brendan Byrne arena. Instead, it is now known as the Izod Center. One thing is for sure, when I think New Jersey Devils hockey: i think Izod. (Apparently they paid $200 million dollars for naming rights. Izod: WTF. How does Izod even have $200 million?) Part of the parking garage used by the Giants also doubles as an indoor ski slope. (And they say Jerryworld is a circus!)
The inside of the stadium is nice. Wide concourses. Staircases in all the right places. Lots of beer and food lines and, most importantly, excellent vantage points from seemingly everywhere in the stadium (including the escalators).
The Meadowlands when the technical glitches began (note the dead Jumbotron).
As Artie previously reported, though, the Giants’ $1.6 billion dollar stadium revolted in the third quarter. First, half the lights in the stadium went out. I have actually been at sporting events in the past where that has happened. The difference here, though, was that it appeared as though no effort was made to turn the lights back on. After making an annoucement (along the lines of: we have concluded that there is enough light to still play the game) the game continued. A few minutes later, though, the whole stadium went black. Everything. Disorenting blackness.
When the lights came on, I turned to the guy sitting next to me (some teenage Jints fan) and said: wouldn’t it be kind of fun if, when the lights came back on, John Kitna was face down at midfield, with a ketchup stain on the back of his jersey, and thus the “Who Killed John Kitna Mystery Party!” begins. He didn’t think it was funny. I did, though, and I laughed and laughed about it. And I thought of Tom Coughlin on the jumbotron, delivering a speech filled with clues. And, of course, in the end Lawrence Tynes would be the killer because no one ever suspects the kicker.
What is not being reported on TV, though, and what ReadAndReact can exclusively report, is that the new Meadowlands simply doesn’t have enough bathrooms. Not even close. The lines were pee-in-your pants long. The kind where, once you go to the bathroom, you might as well just get back in the line to go again. How can you build a $1.6 billion stadium and not have enough bathrooms? (The urinals themselves are also oddly narrow. Whatever happened to the big pissing troughs?) Worse still: the bathrooms honestly smelled like poop. The smell in the 300 section bathroom was toxic and dangerous. People were pouring out the bathroom door besides themselves with the bad odor. Really bad smell, like I would imagine a Dirty Sanchez smells. Theories as to the source were plentiful– shouts of “somebody went on the floor” caromed off the walls. One person suggested that the smell was simply New Jersey.
8
Nov
2010
The Wade Phillips era has come to an end in Dallas
Less than a week after promising that Wade Phillips would be the Cowboys head coach at least through the end of this season, Jerry Jones has fired Phillips, and given the interim coaching job to Assistant Head Coach/Offensive Coordinator Jason Garrett. The news comes on the heels of a nationally televised beating at the hands of the Green Bay Packers last night, which dropped Dallas to 1-7 on the season. And in a year when the Cowboys were supposed to be the first team to play in the Super Bowl in their own home stadium, that kind of start simply won’t cut it. Not under Jerrah’s watch.
I’ve never been a big fan of Wade Phillips as a head coach … he’s a good enough coordinator, but he simply doesn’t have what it takes to truly inspire & lead a team of men to the promised land. He’s just too soft. During his tenure, the Phillips-led ‘boys posted a record of 34-22, and only mustered one playoff win. But clearly, the Cowboys’ problems run far deeper than just the head coach. So now things go from bad to worse in Dallas, and Garrett – who is a very talented young coach - is being put in a tremendously difficult position. It’s not like this one move is going to magically cure all of the Cowboys’ ills, and Garrett is being handed the reigns to a team in total disarray, with expectations to somehow turn things around mid-stream.
Never mind the fact that Jones is the one who gave all those huge guaranteed contracts to a bunch of players who had never actually won anything … and that it’s those players who are crapping the bed every time they step on the field. Or that Jones was the one who built a multi-billion dollar cathedral and raised expectations for his club beyond any reasonable expectations this year. As long as Jerrah is running the show in Dallas, those issues aren’t going anywhere, and Cowboys fans could be in for a long road while Jones tries to right the ship.
In the mean time, you can expect Jones to look everywhere but in the mirror in effort to figure it out.
17
Oct
2010
Wade Ball on display as Cowboys fall to 1-4
Remember when the Cowboys were favorites for the Super Bowl this year? (Photo: Star-Telegram/Paul Moseley)
The world-renowned Wade Phillips discipline was on full display Sunday in Minneapolis during the Cowboys 24-21 loss to the Vikings. Dallas was flagged 11 times for 91 yards, including calls that negated a 68-yard Miles Austin TD, as well as a 34-yard punt return. Austin kicked things off himself with an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after the Cowboys first score, and Tony Romo added two interceptions that set up 10 points for Minnesota. It was the third time Phillips’ club has reached double figures in penalties this season, as they continue to find new and exciting ways beat themselves.
The loss drops the Cowboys to 1-4 on the season, and has Dallas sports fans praying that the Rangers can salvage their Fall sports season. But owner Jerry Jones is sticking by his head coach, saying after the game that he wouldn’t fire Phillips, at least until the end of the season.
“I would never consider doing that during the season,” Jones said.
(ed note: this is only because of the ridiculous amount of money it would cost to do so)
However, Jones did not give Phillips a vote of confidence. He acknowledged that the Cowboys are in serious trouble due in large part to a glaring lack of discipline.
“I’m not [optimistic],” Jones said. “I’m very disappointed. I realize the challenge that we’ve got, and we’re not playing well enough to get it done right now. We’re running out of the opportunity to make this season what we meant it to be.”
CONTINUE AFTER THE JUMP FOR VIDEO LOWLIGHTS OF THE COWBOYS SEASON
20
Sep
2010
UH-OH, the Vikings and Cowboys start 0-2
I wonder if Brett is regretting coming back for one more season (Photo: Joe Rimkus Jr/Miami Herald)
Don’t look now, but the sky is falling in Minneapolis and Dallas this Monday, after both cities’ beloved football teams have started the season 0-2. The Vikings and Cowboys were both fashionable pre-season picks to represent the NFC in Super Bowl XLV, but are currently looking for their first win … and both clubs are desperately looking for answers.
In Minnesota, Favre was intercepted 3 times and fumbled once in the Vikings 14-10 home loss to the Miami Dolphins. It was his worst day as a Viking, and a rude awakening for Favre who threw just 2 interceptions in the Metrodome all of last season. And while it’s still early in the season, now the Vikings are looking up in the NFC North, where both the Packers and Vikings are 2-0. With WR Sidney Rice already out with a hip injury, and Percy Harvin scheduled for an MRI on his own injured hip, rumors are swirling that the Vikings will make a move for WR Vincent Jackson, who is currently suspended and embroiled in a contract dispute with the San Diego Chargers. Regardless, the Vikings will face the Lions this Sunday before getting a bye week to try and right the ship.
Meanwhile in Dallas, the Cowboys lost to the Bears, 27-20, marking the first time they’ve started the season 0-2 since 2001. Jerry Jones is already starting to freak out, and applying not-so-subtle pressure on Wade Phillips, after losing to two teams they were favored to beat … mainly by shooting themselves in the foot.
That's a whole lotta confused faces (Photo: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
13
Apr
2010
VIDEO: Drunken Jerry Jones trashes Bill Parcells and Tim Tebow
Deadspin brings us this AWESOME (if blurry) cell phone video of an obviously drunken Jerry Jones spouting off at a bar about Tim Tebow and Bill Parcells. Watch for yourselves:
The full transcript of Jones’ wonderful ramblings is at the Deadspin article. Among other gems, Jones says Parcells is “not worth shit”, but that he hired him to help generate enough money for the new Cowboys Stadium. And after being prodded (by these obvious Florida fans) about drafting Tebow, Jones states that he’d “never get on the field” with the Cowboys.
Quite frankly, none of this is particularly shocking stuff. I mean, it’s about how you’d expect a boozed up Jones to act. And it’s wildly refreshing to hear someone finally call out Parcells, who hasn’t won a thing in a generation. It’s certainly no revelation that money is Jones’ primary motivation in his management of the Cowboys. And we already know the man loves his hooch:
As for Tebow … well, he’s pretty much on point about that too.
Wow. The most surprising thing to me is that I’m defending Jerry Jones right now. But there ya go.
2
Oct
2009
Eli Manning Tagged the Visitors’ Locker Room at Cowboys Stadium
NBCDFW.com posted this photo of what may or may not be Eli Manning’s real signature, on what may or may not be a concrete column in the visitors’ locker room at the brand new Cowboys Stadium.
So … yeah. Pretty definitive, right? Here’s the picture. See for yourself:
(Photo: NFCDFW.com)
The reader who submitted the photo had this to say:
“See the picture of a concrete column in the visitor locker room in the new Cowboys stadium,” the NBCDFW.com user wrote. “I heard the locker room was spat on and had many used jock straps hanging from the mirrors and other places too. What class.”
Wait. Saliva and jock straps??? In an NFL locker room?!? I’m shocked. Shocked I say. Wait until Goodell gets a load of this.
It sure looks a lot like Manning’s signature, and if the story is true, this could easily become a new tradition at Jerry World. Just imagine visiting players – drunk with victory – tagging the locker room with all manner of lewd bathroom graffiti. Over the years, the walls will become overrun with braggadocios claims, juvenile sketches and bawdy limericks. Jerry will of course hire a small village to clean the walls … or just build a new stadium. Whichever’s easiest.
Famed rock club CBGB or Cowboys Stadium Visitors Locker Room, circa 2035? (Photo: Scott Gries/Getty Images)
26
Sep
2009
Cowboys Admit to “Party Pass” Scam
The above video (via Deadspin) gives one fan’s perspective of Sunday night’s Cowboys/Giants game from one of these Party Pass areas at Cowboys Stadium that Jerry Jones seemed so proud of. Looks like a great time, doesn’t it? (hint: it wasn’t)
It was by wildly overselling these standing room only tickets that Jerry Jones – who clearly prizes his ego over the fan experience – was able to break the single-game attendance record for opening night of his new monument to phallic compensation. The fact that Jones used his ticket-buying fans to make history should come as no shock to anyone. However, in a surprising follow-up, the Cowboys have now publicly admitted to their scam.
NBCDFW.com reports on one fan – Mike – who wrote an angrily-worded letter to the Cowboys organization complaining about his experience. He received a half-hearted apology, which included an offer for a refund (or more party passes!). But the Cowboys went on to assure Mike that this blatant mistreatment of their patrons was just a “one-time deal”:
If it helps at all, the only reason so many party passes were sold for Sunday’s game was to break the attendance record. I can assure you that only 1/3 of that amount of party passes will be sold for each game going forward…10,000 max instead of 30,000. That was a one-time deal for the grand opening of the stadium.
Sincerely, Dallas Cowboys Football Club
So yeah, the Cowboys are now denying that they wrote the bolded part of the letter (Mike stands by his story). But either way, they still admit to selling THREE TIMES the capacity of the Party Pass areas, specifically for opening night! You’d think that would mean they’d issue a refund to anyone who had a bad experience there, right?
(Photo: SportsBusinessDaily.com)
Of course not. Ticketmaster is no longer refunding party passes at this time. Way to go, Jerry. Keep building that resume for your own special place in hell.
21
Sep
2009
Jerry Jones picks a loser, Giants spoil Cowboys Stadium debut
The Giants WRs don't scare anyone, but Mario Manningham sure enjoyed the new Cowboys Stadium (Photo: NFL.com)
Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones said he hand-picked the Giants to be the first team to christen his new $1.2 billion dollar stadium. Ummm … that might have been a mistake. The opening night of “Jerry World” was spoiled in grand fashion last night by the New York Football Giants, who defeated the Cowboys 33-31 on a last-second FG by Lawrence Tynes.
It was a back-and-forth contest, in which Dallas QB Tony Romo was intercepted 3 times, and New York won the turnover battle 4-0. But the Giants stalled inside the red zone repeatedly, settling for FGs instead of TDs and making the score much closer than it could have been. But in the end, Romo was completely out-played by Eli Manning, who found his WRs in Mario Manningham (10 catches, 150 yds, 1 TD) and Steve Smith (10 catches 134 yds, 1 TD), and calmly led the Giants on a last-minute drive to win the game.
And while everyone has been talking about the Jumbotron (which was a non-factor last night), perhaps the more intriguing in-game entertainment option provided at Cowboys Stadium is the presence of cage dancers at one end of the stadium. Apparently the dancers are positioned right above the standing-room-only “Party Plazas”, to give those tickets more of a strip club feel to them. So that’s classy.
Unfortunately for Jerrah, fancy stadiums and exotic dancers don’t win football games, and their golden boy QB failed miserably once again when put to the test in a big game.
In other news, Justin Tuck is scheduled to get an MRI today to check out his injured shoulder, but says that he’s “fine”, and will play next week. The All-Pro DT was hurt when Flozell Adams blatantly stuck out his foot and tripped Tuck, after being beaten at the line of scrimmage.
