31
Dec
2010
WEEK 17 NFL THOUGHTS & PICKS: NEW YEAR’S EDITION
Winners in Bold
Carolina @ Atlanta:
Carolina ends its mess of a season against the Falcons who are having a fine year. They say that John Fox might be tapped to replace Eric Mangini if he is let go in Cleveland. Something about that is wildly depressing and stinks of resigned mediocrity of the new normal: withering job prospects, no assets, low paycheck, massive debt from an education that gets you nowhere, and a marginal chance of your NFL team winning eight games.
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland:
Speaking of Eric Mangini, his under-talented Browns take on the Steelers at home in front of the faithful. Many of us at ReadAndReact headquarters are firmly behind Coach Mangini and feel he deserves one more year to right the ship. The Browns have had a tedious revolving door of coaches and quarterbacks since they re-entered the league. Their fans at this point are listless and battered, wondering why they are being tested by God, and if he will ever show them mercy. I hope for all those toiling by the lake that the Browns absolutely destroy the Steelers this Sunday, that Holmgren looks deep into his extra large soul and decides to give Mangini one more year. Curses can’t last forever, even the biblical variety, and Mangini might be able to lead this team to the promised land yet.
The process takes longer when God has arbitrarily decided the team you coach has to suffer for 40 years (AP)
Minnesota @ Detroit:
Here’s to Brett Favre for playing football one year too many. Here’s a toast for him being completely himself, whether that is leaping around the field like a 12-year old on a playground or giving a maddening self indulgent, self-serving press conference. It is rare these days for an athlete to show any of his true self, as he will be pillaged for any misstep, wrong turn of phrase, or even smiling on the sidelines by the press, blogs, and fans alike. Favre, unlike the other professionally programmed robots, happily unleashes his id upon us all and, though many times not likeable, it is real and honest. Here’s to one of the best moments of the season, of Favre making a surprise appearance, outdoors in a snowy stadium in Minnesota, leading a touchdown drive like old times, fans delirious, scripted like a movie. Then, as quick as it started, it sadly ends with his head bouncing off the frozen turf. Favre exits the league leaving fans with a lot of wonderful memories and conflicting opinions as he heads back to his ranch in Mississippi. Perhaps like Cincinnatus he waits for another team to call or maybe he just swims in bathtubs full of money or puts on his Wranglers and heads to the local high school and with joy on his face tosses pass after pass to high school kids running fade patterns, his shadow growing larger and larger as the sun sets red in the evening Mississippi sky.
Oakland @ Kansas City:
The league would be a better place if the Raiders were a better team. A win on Sunday would bring them to eight wins and forward on the road to respectability. Kansas City on the other hand is having a dream season, the fans enjoying every moment because they aren’t sure if it’s a dream or if it’s real.
Danny, Wes and Julian celebrate a Patriots victory by jumping up and down on Tom and Gisele's hand crafted $20,000 king sized bed
Miami @ New England:
I like to think of Danny Woodhead as a loveable hobbit somehow pressed into service by the mad wizard Belichik. I imagine every time he gets the ball he screams in fear and is actually just running for his life, giants and monsters around every turn as he higgledy piggledy does his best to dash to safety. I like to imagine that after each game he goes to Tom and Gisele’s apartment and hops on the bed with his pals Wes Welker and Julian Edelman, happy to be alive as Gisele and Tom try on Uggs boots and read long letters from their old friend and leftist poet Randy Moss.
Buffalo @ New York Jets:
The Bills have been meanderingly interesting this year and the emergence of the Fitzmagic and his beard have galvanized a rust belt fan base and has inspired lonely men (and some women) in hunting cabins and ice fishing houses of upper New York to grow out their own beards in solidarity, and quite frankly for something to do. It has also inspired ReadAndReact to attempt to cajole the Amish Rifle to save his truly magnificent beard; please sign our petitionthat implores him that the world needs men with beards and he is a beacon of hope to us all. We also might create a petition to make the Jets go away. They are a wildly irritating clown show that needs to be taken down and shipped out of town.
Cincinnati @ Baltimore:
Speaking of clown shows, whether it was the poor coaching, play, or just a cavalcade of bad decisions in critical moments, this season has been an utter disaster for the Bengals. They face a typically well prepared and winning Baltimore team that could probably beat the Bengals with four guys from the practice squad and seven bottles of Gatorade.
6
Oct
2010
An open letter from Gisele on the Moss trade
My letter to the American press at 6:12 a.m. on October 6, 2010 (tele-transcribed):
To admirers of fashion + revolution!
Randy Moss has been sent away and it’s for the best. Even my Tom knows that Moss will thrive, once again, in the purple and gold tones of the Minnesota Vikings.
When Tom and I threw a house party in our Beacon Hill flat during OTAs, it was Moss (downtrodden, alone on the porch overlooking the city) who told me: “GB… I am far from home.”
He was very forlorn that night, refusing to speak with anyone… telling people, “China will always be red.”
I will never forget a long string of text messages Randy sent me before the 2009 season opener against Buffalo, when the Pats wore their throwback uniforms:
“My dear Gisele: How it pains me to take to the playing fields tonight,” he texted. “This obnoxious attire, ill-fashion in its day, has been brought back to life as some cruel joke by ownership. Parading us around like circus animals — draining us of our will to perform by cladding us in overtly noisome throwback ensembles. GB, how I long for the hour of my youth, when I pranced on the field in dark purples, in royal golds — not hemmed in by the hyper-nationalistic reds/whites/blues of this night. Revolution is dead.”
He told me once that he had secretly completed a 480-page novel about Neo-Realism in a Revived Europe.
Randy’s condo, on the far-outskirts of the city, was littered with hundreds of first-edition rare books (an original copy of The Great Gatsby was the coaster for my mint julep when I visited with Tom). It was the home to poetry readings gathering Boston’s underground subculture, a vast array of anarchists, newspaper reporters on the lam, and visionaries. Tom and I attended one of these events, staying until well past dawn (leaving just as Randy was beginning to cook breakfast for at least 25 artists, suggesting they ride the Peter Pan busline north into Canada and stay for weeks in a youth hostel).
I left knowing that Moss was not the man described by a self-seeking media, but a “Wideout-Poet.”
Randy texted me again this morning, as news was breaking of the trade.
I was lounging on the balcony attached to my suite at the Chateaux Santa Teresa in Rio. Below me, early-morning swimmers on holiday were gathering poolside, sipping chilled white wine. I thought of my busy workweek ahead (with a fashion show Thursday evening in the city square, and three-plus galas to attend before flying to Aspen for a respite with Tom during his bye week).
It was during this flight of fancy that Randy’s text arrived, bringing me back to the present moment. I know, from his words, that he is relieved to be heading home:
“My dearest GB, Forgive me if I woke you from sleep with this text. I am packing up my belongings and waving farewell to Foxboro. It will take months to box up the apartment — BenJarvus Green-Ellis has offered to coordinate in my absence. I have invited all to a future poetry gathering in St. Paul, where I will stay for the remainder of the season. I located an unused warehouse in the meatpacking district — vast and sparse, and perfect for poetry readings. I will live there for only $425 per month.
“I have spoken with three local college students about creating a chapbook — a photo journal — of my return to the Vikings, to be self-published on paper, using a photocopier and staples. They will help assemble the pages. If we can find a small publisher to release a second printing, that would be ideal, but I don’t hold my breath. I will continue to ball, in order to save up funds for future publishings, with hope that the poetry students of Minnesota will call my warehouse a safe-haven.
“I hope that you and Tom will visit. I even sent coach Bill a hand-written note, on felt-paper, inviting him to join a late-season party I am titling ‘Winter of Anarchy and Spirit-Vision’ — G.B., please encourage him to make the trip, so that we can mend fences.”
All the best to you, my dearest Gisele. I will remember you often. Very fondly, R. Moss”
He will be missed.
With love,
Gisele B.
22
Oct
2009
OVERHEARD: Steve Rodgers and DarkHorse discuss Tom, Gisele, AD&D—and Zombies!
Thank you to ReadAndReact Administrative Assistant Isabella Zapp for transcribing and posting this conversation.
Steve Rodgers: DarkHorse, as a long-suffering Browns fan, do you see anything that gives you hope? I think if I were a Browns fan, I might start looking for another team?
DarkHorse: There is a plague on the Browns. At this hour, twelve Browns players are out with the flu–and we just lost D’Qwell Jackson for the season. Team secretaries and accountants will lineup vs. the Packers this Sunday–which may be a potential improvement. The season feels out of control and dangerous from a PR angle–will any free agent sign with the Browns again? I like Mangini, in theory, but Sundays feel like this to me.
So, what will Trent Edwards do with his newly discovered free time?
Steve Rodgers: I kind of like Mangenius, as well. The Browns feel like a Biblical curse that you would send on the enemies of God or something. If the secretaries line up, I hope Janice from HR is on the field. She fills out a pantsuit. Trent Edwards is spending his free time making highlight tapes for his accountant and taking a real estate correspondence course. He is also happily eating huge meals prepared by his wonderful and beautiful girlfriend. He feels lost without football but is looking forward to a brighter future.
What are some of the things in the LEAGUE right now that have you feeling the power?
DarkHorse: Well, I have a comfortable seat on the McDaniels/Orton Open-Bar Bandwagon Express–we love when a hot mess becomes a lovable team. I was digging the New York Giants until they were “pantsed” by the Saints. They’re dead to me this week. ITEM: I found this want-ad in a Nashville paper: “NEEDED: Large, burly men to play Advanced Dungeons & Dragons with other husky men from Mon-Sat (NOTE: also have to play a football game on Sunday—must LOOK the part, but playing experience not required). Extensive D&D campaign experience IS required–Level 22 and above ONLY. Please send your D&D resume to: J. Fisher / One Titans Way / Nashville, TN 37213. PS – Special consideration given to those with large figurine collections.”
The Tennessee Titans have moved past the gridiron -- to the Borderlands.
Steve Rodgers: I think the emphasis on figurines was very smart on Fisher’s part. It shows that those who apply will have attention to detail but, also, as the ad states, must be “burly.” I saw an ad like that in The Advocate in San Francisco, but it might have been for something completely different. Burly. The NFL: Where burly men run about in tight pants. Feel the Power!
DarkHorse: Three predictions you can TAKE TO THE BANK: (1) Drew Brees goes down for the season in Week 15 and the Saints lose in the first round of the playoffs. (2) Kyle Orton leads Denver to the AFC Championship, where they lose to… (2) Pittsburgh, and (the incredibly annoying) Big Ben, who will win another Super Bowl. Give me three LOCKS, Steve Rodgers.
Is there more to life than Gisele? (Source: WeeklyDrop.com)
Steve Rodgers: Three locks: (1) The Browns dig up the remains of Otto Graham, then preform devil voodoo on him, and he becomes the starting QB–he is a zombie. They slowly feed him Eric Rhett, who is kept in a meat locker under the Berea compound. (2) Tom Brady wakes up one morning, looks at Gisele, looks at his Super Bowl rings and his paycheck, and says, “Is this all there is?” (3) Jeff Fisher watches his team get pounded 32-0. After the game, he shaves his mustache, and hooks up with the CIA to become a handler of foreign agents in the field for a black ops division outside the goverment budget line. He never watches the NFL again.
DarkHorse: Does Zombie Otto Graham complete more than two passes a game vs. Buffalo? If so, I’m in.
