5
Mar
2011
FRIDAY EVENING NFL OWNERS CONFERENCE CALL: ROGER GOODELL LABOR UPDATE
Goodell texts Ralph Wilson's typewriter from the Madden Cruiser (AP Photo/Rob Carr)
Roger Goodell: ….So essentially, that’s where it stands currently. Do any of you have any questions for me right now?
Ralph Wilson: I can’t see anyone?
Arthur Blank: It’s a phone call sir. So you shouldn’t see anyone.
Bob Kraft: What’s the hold up, Roger?
Goodell: They don’t want 18 games, they are worried about injury. I think if we can agree on the amount of games, the rest will fall into place.
Al Davis: Who’s worried?
Goodell: The players, sir. The people we are negotiating with.
Davis: Negotiate! I once rode the dragon with Howard Hughes, I only eat the beating hearts of unicorns, I sleep upside down in a belfry, I don’t negotiate with anyone!
Kraft: Al, good God, have you ever listened to yourself? You’re losing it.
Davis: Of course, I have only heard the sound of my voice since I had my face laminated in 1987.
Dan Snyder: Why don’t we just keep it at 16 and put this thing to bed.
Jerry Jones: Snyder, why don’t you shut up. You don’t know anything.
Snyder: Whatever, Jerry! Great job with the tickets!
Paul Allen: Hey, let’s work together, boys. I need more money for my mattress. I’m sleeping funny.
Randy Lerner: Have you tried putting some gold bars in there?
Zygi Wilf: Oh that works. Or sometimes I will have some of my servants get in there for the night. The odd shapes of their bodies provides a good night’s rest.
Blank: I find that if you shred the 100-dollar bills before you put them in the mattress, it’s more comfortable.
Goodell: Let’s keep on track. Do you all still want 18 games?
Wilson: Wait, this is a phone? Where is the dial? Is this magic!?
Blank: Sir, it isn’t magic, just a newer phone.
Wilson: Demons!
18
Nov
2009
Letterman on Bud Adams: Top 10 Signs Your NFL Team Owner is Nuts
Not the best Top 10 List I’ve ever seen, but Letterman’s intro is hilarious:
16
Nov
2009
VIDEO: Titans’ owner Bud Adams flips the Bills the bird
Here’s 86-year-old Titans’ owner Bud Adams expressing his feelings toward the visiting sidelines at the end of his team’s 41-17 home win over the Buffalo Bills. Note the stylish triple-pump single birds followed by an emphatic double bird to finish it off.
Bud, you sassy ole’ bastard, you.
Word is Roger Goodell was actually in the owner’s box with Bud during the game … we’ll surely see what Roger has to say about this one.
