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The Costner-Jones Post-Apocalyptic Theory

By C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y!

In the Summer of 1995, Kevin Costner’s Waterworld—a then-preposterously expensive $175 million abomination—hit the theatres.  Plagued by problems on the set and lambasted by critics, most regarded Waterworld as the film that altered Costner’s career trajectory forever—the movie that forever relegated him to movies like Tin Cup and other affronts to ones sensibilities.

Costner Sucked in Waterworld. The Cowboys Sucked in 2008.

In the Summer of 2009, Jerryworld—a preposterously expensive $1.2 billion phallic symbol—opened to a pre-season affair between the Dallas Cowboys and Tennessee Titans.  Rather than serving as a crowning moment for Jerry Jones (not to mention an opportunity to wipe away some of the lingering embarrassment that was last season), the stadium opener will long be remembered for one thing: Jerrytron-gate.  Who in America did not ask themselves the following question this week: how on earth could a team spend that much money and not put the Jerrytron out of a punter’s reach?

Rather than wiping away embarrassment, Jerrytron-gate has only seemed to add to it.  Not only can’t Jones build a winner, he can’t even build a stadium .  To boot: rather than capitulating and raising the damn thing, Jones dug in his heels and accused the Titans second-string punter who is fighting for a job of aiming for it.

Today, the league announced the ground rules for Jerrytron.  Basically, if you hit it, it’s a do-over.  We at readandreact are left to wonder: what the hell is wrong with Jerry Jones?  Doesn’t he realize that EVERYONE (EVERYONE!) is going to talk about one thing in connection with the stadium all year: did someone hit the Jerrytron?  Not the plush seats.  Not the grass field.  Not nothing but who hit the Jerrytron?

Is it money?  There have been rumblings that the stadium has stretched Jones, a man of seemingly endless means, financially.  (Failing to lock-up Demarcus Ware is near the top of the list of signs.)  Some have speculated that Jones balked at paying the over $2 million price it would cost to move Jerrytron higher.  That said, the Cowboys are purportedly planning to raise itwhen U2 rolls into town in October (only to lower it again after U2 leaves?).  So, while money may be tighter even for the Joneses, that doesn’t seem to be the reason.  Is it pride?  Jones is well-known in Dallas for defending his ground when the media pokes him.  (See: retention of Wade Phillips.)  Is it aesthetics?

Ultimately, who knows why Jones remains adamant.  Whatever his reasons the real question here is whether this is Jerry Jones’ Kevin Costner moment?  Like Costner in 1995, for years Jones has been moving closer to the edges of respectability.  (Remember the Bodyguard: 1992.)  Last year pushed Jones closer to that edge as he defended a team with no chemistry by saying chemistry doesn’t matter and a player who got in a fight with his Bodyguard (the Costner-parallels flow so naturally—isn’t it good to have us back online, people?).  And now, a quiet, seemingly productive off-season and training camp has given way to this—a confluence of events that begs the question: is what was supposed to be Jones’ Field of Dreams really just his post-apocalyptic movie/here comes Tin Cup/3000 Miles to Graceland/Swing Vote moment?

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