Title

I Hate Jimmy Buffett’s Phins Song

By ArtieFufkin

We can only pray that the Landshark will choose his next victim wisely

As much as it pains me to post this, it only seems appropriate in light of the recent news that the Miami Dolphins’ stadium is being re-named Landshark Stadium after corporate partner (and Jimmy Buffett’s beer company), Landshark Lager [South Florida Business Journal].  So, even though it’s only a one-year deal, and even though Buffett probably has no clue about pro football,  it only makes sense that he would bastardize one of his “hits” with Dolphin’s-oriented lyrics, to maximize the marketing push behind the sponsorship.

So anyway, here’s this song … it was originally called “Fins”, so thankfully Buffett didn’t have to hurt himself trying to re-work it too much.  I didn’t make it past the 1:35 mark because my ears started bleeding, so you’ll have to let me know if it’s any good.  All I know is Jimmy couldn’t be reading the lyrics off of the floor and more obviously, and there’s a poor woman in the front row dressed as a parrot, but she looks WAY more like Toucan Sam.

But at least there are cheerleaders jumping around in there, so you can turn down the volume and just watch the girlies shake if you prefer:

Is it over yet?  Ugggh.

As awful as this whole thing is, it really comes as no surprise.  Buffett has been more about marketing than music for decades now, and would give Gene Simmons a run for his money as biggest sellout in music history.

And the marketing machine is already in full gear, planning “Margaritaville” pre and post-game parties in the parking lots, with Landshark lager for all and this “Phins Song” blasting through the air on repeat, blanketing the tailgate in a thick stench of mediocrity.  So now people will be getting sick before, during and after the game from the barrage of nauseating football, beer and music.

Dolphins/Landshark/Parrothead Fever … CATCH IT!

Related posts

• NFL going the way of Nascar
• Tony Romo makes with the funny
• League tells Captain Morgan to walk the plank