15
Apr
2009
5 things intergalactic bounty hunter IG-88 *MUST* terminate in 2009
By TheDarkHorse
Interstellar hit-droid IG-88 does not mince words nor motives. He has determined that some elements of the 2009 NFL season are TOO ANNOYING to tolerate, and must be REMOVED.
BACKSTORY from http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/IG-88
“IG-88 was an assassin droid line designed by Holowan Laboratories. The IG-88 line was a derivative of the IG-100 MagnaGuard droid. IG-88 later became one of the galaxy’s most infamous bounty hunters. However, the bounty hunting was just a cover for the droid’s grand plan—the Droid Revolution.
There were only four made, all identical. Moments after activation, the original massacred the scientists and transferred his consciousness into the other three. They then escaped the lab. It is possible it was the droid’s incompletely formed identity that made him obsessed with hunting and killing.”
REPEAT: IG-88 CANNOT TOLERATE VARIOUS ASPECTS OF THE UPCOMING CAMPAIGN AND MUST UNCOIL THE FOLLOWING:
(1) TERRELL OWENS ON THE BILLS, AND THE CIRCUS THAT COMES WITH IT. Seventeen weeks of mind-numbing, follow-the-herd pre-game-show segments about TO living it up in Buffalo. Enough said.
(2) The Dallas Cowboys “NEW STADIUM.” MILES BEYOND TEDIOUS.
(3) Browns vs. Steelers on PRIMETIME TELEVISION. STOP WITH THIS. The Browns have not beaten Pittsburgh since 2003, and only three times since 1995. NOT quality television. Please stop airing these wretched games EVERY season on ESPN or Monday Night Football. While it is annoying to NFL fans in general, it is TORTURE for Cleveland fans until their team learns the sheer, basic fundamentals of the game.
(4) RAY RAY.
(5) The *SAFE* Super Bowl Halftime Show featuring performers from 22 years ago. IG-88 WILL NOT TOLERATE.
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This is so funny it hurts.
[...] Per usual, aspects and individuals of this NFL season are too TEDIOUS to tolerate and — MUST BE TERMINATED. IG-88 hovering above NFL with DETONATION HAMMER. (Source: ratherchildish.com) [...]